[Note: This has made the rounds for those who work with military aircraft. If you fall into this category, you have probably seen some of these before.]
One of a technician's little joys is the opportunity to sign off a discrepancy reported by the flight crew (especially the rather silly ones) with a witty response. Usually, the more pungent replies are sanitized before the paperwork gets filed, but occasionally a funny one slips through. Below are a few examples of the slightly skewed minds of the maintenance community (most of these are USAF, but there are a few USN samples for variety).
Problem: Left inside-main tire almost needs replacement.
Signoff: Almost replaced left inside-main tire.
Problem: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Signoff: Auto-land not installed in this aircraft.
Problem: Number 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
Signoff: Number 2 propeller seepage normal.
Problem 2: Numbers 1, 3, and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.
Problem: The autopilot doesn't.
Signoff: It does now.
Problem: Something loose inside cockpit.
Signoff: Something tightened inside cockpit.
Problem: Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear.
Signoff: Evidence removed.
Problem: DME volume unbelievablyloud.
Signoff: Volume set to more believable level.
Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
Signoff: Live bugs on order.
Problem: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
Signoff: Cannot reproduce the problem on ground.
Problem: IFF inoperative.
Signoff: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
Problem: Clock doesn't work.
Signoff: Wound clock.
Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Signoff: That's what they're there for.
Problem: Number 3 engine missing.
Signoff: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Problem: SDC makes sound like little green men with hammers banging on case.
Signoff: Took hammers away from little green men.
Problem: Speed brake indicator barber poles when aircraft porpoises.
Signoff: Could not duplicate gripe; test station would not porpoise.
Although they are likely apocryphal, I have heard persistent rumors of technicians signing off particularly stupid gripes with the corrective action of "removed and replaced pilot". A signoff such as that is very likely to result in punishment of some sort, because that crosses the line from humor to outright disrespect.
posted on October 08, 2002 05:52 PM